I don't know about you, but life throws me some hard lessons on a pretty regular basis. The older I get the more convinced I am that one of the hardest lessons to learn is how to forgive someone when they've really, really hurt me.
I can forgive the small things. That's easy. I don't like to carry a grudge. It takes too much energy. But the big things? The things that go beyond a simple grudge?
That's hard.
But necessary.
I once had a client tell me the first step towards forgiveness. I thought it was too simple to really be effective. However, simple hardly ever means easy, and it turned out that she was so right.
What was her first step?
You stop talking about it. Whatever it was that happened, you just stop talking about it.
It's the only way to stop thinking about it. It's the only way to stop that bad thing from growing, from taking root.
Can it really be as simple as just letting it go?
As simple as letting all the hurt and anger rise up and out of your life?
I think so.
That's not to say it's a fast process. And not an easy one, either, since simple and easy are not always synonymous. And some balloons rise up more quickly than others.
I'm not sure why I decided to write about this today. Maybe it's that a particularly ugly election year is finally over for us. I have some forgiving to do there. Politics don't have to get personal or slanderous and this year it was both. I have to say~I resent it and I do have some hard feelings over it. I'm not thick skinned and I kind of hope I never will be. I'm glad I'm a little on the sensitive side and I hope it's something that makes me more sensitive to others. Having said all that, I have some work to do.
What's your advice on forgiveness?
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14 comments:
i am a big fan of let it go, but sometimes to me that mans walking away. not necessarily forgiving, forgetting, but just removing myself from the situation so that i can be happier without those icky feelings.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
Prayer. I don't remember when I heard it, but I remember learning that forgiveness is a gift from God both ways...he will forgive you, and help you to forgive others. It's just another kind of change of heart. Not an easy one, though!
I think you are headed in the right direction. It is a process, but if you have the desire, and let that desire work with in you, you can keep headed in the right direction. When a bad thought comes to me, I physically stop myself and think of something positive...like one of my grandchildren. Chin up!
I had a hard Time forgiving as well {victim of sexual abuse} my father once said "hate the sin and not the sinner" this has helped me to forgive the person once I seperate the sin from the sinner I can feel sorry for the sinner and pray for him, I can even see that sinner as a brother because we are all children of Christ. The sin itself turns into a ball that I keep kicking away every time it pops into my head. This helps me to forget. Visualization helps me in this process. Because it becomes an object that I can keep destroying. The trick is dont dewel on it. My father also told me " if a bird lands on your head swatt it away but it's your fault if you let that bird build a nest on your head" we may not control everything that goes Into our mind but we can control how long it stays in there. Hope my fathers wisdom can help you like it has helped me.
Love your post. We all need to be reminded once and a while. Thanks!
Forgiveness is very hard,, and I agree with your friend .. to let it go , stop talking about it.. but thats so much easier said than done. I know this personally.
Good luck on your path of forgiving whoever has done you wrong.
I have gotten a very thick skin (wrinkly too) over the years and have come to the conclusion that it is so much easier to forgive now than it used to be. It is definitely better to both forgive and be forgiven by others.
Congratulations on the re-election of your husband : )
This makes so much sense and does indeed seem so simple. The hard part for me comes in wanting to stop talking about it or thinking about it. It becomes a part of you - and it's hard to let go. Much work to do...
Wonderful post Suzanne. I realized that very thing a few years ago. The more I talk about something that is bothering me, the more upset I get. It's better to focus on the people in our lives that make us feel good about ourselves. The others can take a flying leap!
For me it is always easier to let it go when a sincere "I'm sorry" is received.
Bliss
I have a quote on my inspiration board that I see every day. "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." (Buddha)
I found that holding on to the anger/resentment just takes up too much time. I've decided I don't want to give that time and energy up to something that doesn't bring me joy.
For me, I have to have time to be angry for awhile. And when the other person doesn't acknowledge the hurt that they caused makes it difficult to let it go. I do try to not dwell on it. I have a tendency to rehash things but I'm getting better and leaving it behind!
Congrats on your husbands reelection!
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